Guide To Sex Dating Sites

Adult dating websites can be a lot of fun and they can provide excellent opportunities for enhancing your sex life, but you do need to use a little caution when meeting people on these sites. There are several pitfalls you need to think about and take the appropriate steps to avoid.

While I recognize that the reason most people sign up on an adult dating website is to meet people for “no-strings” casual sex, sooner or later you’ll probably get hungry and you and your partner will want something to eat.  Of course, you can just go out and grab something or order food delivered, but if you want to impress a date without a whole lot of effort and without spending near as much money as going out or getting delivery, it’s good to have some basic cooking skills.

 Don’t worry, there’s some really easy things you can cook that will really impress the women you date.  For example, one of the things I cook that never fails to get great reviews is my quesadillas (which as near as I can tell is Spanish for “grilled cheese sandwich”).   All you do is take a pre-made burrito-sized tortilla, cover half of it with shredded cheese (cheddar, colby, monterrey jack, or whatever you like), then put a layer of canned chicken or imitation crab meat on top of the cheese, add a little salsa on top of that for spice, and then finish with another layer of cheese.  Fold the other half of the tortilla over the top and carefully pick it up and place it in a 10 inch or larger frying pan with a thin layer of cooking oil in the bottom of it on medium heat.  When the bottom side is browned, use two spatulas to flip it over and brown the other side.  When brown on both sides, put it on a plate to cool for a couple of minutes then cut it into three triangular pieces and serve.  These go great with a cold beer or soda. 

Another easy thing to make is homemade pizza.  Just get a pre-made crust like Boboli, cover it with a layer of your favorite spaghetti sauce, a layer of shredded cheese, and either sliced veggies (tomato, onion, mushrooms, peppers, etc.) and/or meats (pepperoni, sausage, ham, etc.) put in an oven on a baking sheet or a piece of foil at about 350 degrees and check it periodically until the cheese is melted and slightly browned.  You’re now a pizza chef! 

If things have run into the morning hours and you’re looking for a breakfast idea, I suggest the Tex-Mex classic, migas.  Migas are basically scrambled eggs with pieces of tortilla or tortilla chips mixed in with them, usuall also with salsa and cheese.  If you can make scrambled eggs, you can make migas.  Put some butter or oil in a frying pan and put in as much or as little cut-up tortilla or broken tortilla chips as you like and toast them lightly over medium heat. When lightly toasted, add your scrambled eggs, and cook as you usually would.  As the eggs get close to fully cooked, add some salsa (a little or a lot, depending on how spicy you want it), and a handful or so of shredded cheese.  Mix everything in and when the eggs are done and the cheese is melted, it’s ready to eat.  You can serve migas with toast, bacon, sausage, or any other breakfast side dish. 

Enjoy the food and enjoy how impressed your date is that you can cook!  You’ll definitely be a stand-out among the men she dates.  She’ll be back to see you even if you were lame in bed!

Depending on you and your companion-for-the-moment’s interests, you may want to explore something more than just the “plain vanilla” sex practices from time to time.  If you are new to trying anything fancier than some position other than missionary, I suggest starting with some light bondage as a fun way to spice things up.

Now for some people the word “bondage” brings vision of chains and shackles, or at the very least, rough-hewn ropes cutting into the skin, but lighter forms of bondage can be quite comfortable and don’t require a building permit to construct a dungeon in your home.

 The first thing to consider with bondage, particularly if you aren’t looking to go heavy into the dungeon theme, is what you will be using to do the bondage with.  I recommend choosing bindings that can be released by the bond-ee in case of an emergency.  After all, most accidents occur in the home, and you never know what could happen to the bond-er after the bond-ee is bond-ed, and situations could arise where the bond-ee needs to get out of the bindings quickly on his or her own.  With this in mind, I recommend a couple of options.  First, handcuffs designed for sex play usually come with a release lever so the cuffs can be undone without the key and usually with a minimal amount of effort by the person in the cuffs.  Another good option is restraints with velcro closures, as these can usually be opened by the bond-ee by pulling the tabs with their teeth (make sure to set the bindings just long enough for this to be possible).  Finally, almost any type of binding can be used if it can be pulled loose or untied by the bond-ee (again, keeping the binding in range of the mouth so things can be untied or pulled loose using the teeth is a good plan). 

Once you figure out what you will use for your bondage play, the next thing to figure out is where to do it.  The most comfortable location is usually on a bed, and the bed legs and/or headboard make convenient anchor points for the bindings.  Another possible location is having the bond-ee tied up on the floor, with furniture as the anchor points for the bindings.  If you want to get extra-adventurous, bondage outside using a tree or stable structure can be very exciting, but be sure to choose a location where you cannot be seen (particularly by children)  and where you will not run into trouble with law enforcement personnel.  It’s also a good idea to check and make sure the area is clear of ants and stinging insects, poison ivy, etc., otherwise things could get VERY unpleasant!

Now that you’ve figured out what type of bindings you’re going to use and where to use them, you need to figure out who is going to be the bond-ee and who is going to be the bond-er.  Both roles can be fun, and so you might want to take turns, if not on the same date, on different occasions. 

If your date is the one being bound, make sure she’s comfortable (or not, if that adds to her excitement), and that she can get free from the bindings on her own if she needs to.  Once you have everything set up, she’s at your mercy, and it is a lot of fun building her anticipation of what you are going to do.  You can do all sorts of things depending on your (and her) particular interests.  Blindfolding her is often a good start, as this intensifies the anticipation.  You could stimulate her any number of ways, using sex toys, a feather, oral sex, etc..  Your could run an ice cube across sensitive areas of her body.  You could take pictures (I recommend you have permission to do this in advance).  You could build anticipation by telling her all the nasty things you’re going to do.  It’s all up to you.  Well, you and her - remember, even though she’s “at your mercy” you need to be a bit careful in these situations particularly if you don’t know her all that well.  Be sure you know the difference between the “No” that means “YES!” and the “No” that means “NO!”. 

Also remember that if you agree to switch roles from time to time, anything you do to her when she’s tied up may be visited upon you when the roles are reversed.  When you’re the one tied up, just relax and enjoy the anticipation of not knowing exactly what is going to happen.  Again, be sure that you can get out of the restraints on your own if you need to.  This is especially true if you’ve just met your date, because there are some freaky women out there.  A friend of a friend (yes, it’s one of those stories that may or may not be true) found himself naked and handcuffed to a radiator - with REAL handcuffs, and his date intentionally left him there by himself until the next day.  So, once again the cardinal rule of bondage when you are the bond-ee is to make absolutely sure you can free yourself if you need to.

Be imaginative and have fun with your bondage experiences.  A little kink will do you good!

Some women like to see how much they can get away with and how much you’re willing to put up with in order to have sex with them.  Many guys assume if they give in to what the women they date want (or at least seem to want) it will improve their chances of getting laid.   This is usually NOT the case!  In fact, the more you stay cool and play hard to get, the more likely it is that she won’t play hard to get.

Women will test you.  Most women are most attracted to strong, confident men and they’re going to test you to see if your a “real man” or a weak kiss-ass.  You could simply refuse to play the game - and that will get you laid a lot more often than giving in and sucking up to her, but a far more effective approach is to use humor to deal with the tests.

The first test you’ll often come up against is the plan for the date.  Most women want you to have a plan for the date.  They won’t necessarily LIKE your plan, but they want you to at least HAVE a plan.  So if she asks you “What do you want to do?”, you need to have something better ready for an answer than “I don’t know, what do you want to do?” 

So, let’s say you’re prepared with a plan and she shoots it down.  If she doesn’t come up with an alternate plan right away, you need to suggest another plan (always have at least two in mind).  If she shoots that plan down too, but still doesn’t have a suggestion of her own, she may simply be testing you and is intentionally being difficult.  If you suspect this to be the case, start teasing her about it.  You could say something like “You know, if I wanted a date that was this much of a pain in the ass, I’d find a chick with a strap-on!” (this can be said dead-serious or with a little smirk or a wink). Most women at this point will start defending themselves.  Your date may pretend to be upset with you (or may even really be upset with you - it doesn’t really matter!) for saying that she’s a pain in the ass and demand an apology.  To which you can say something like, “I’m really sorry…that you’re such a pain in the ass!”  Don’t give in and get all apologetic.  Stand your ground and if she continues to shoot down any plans you come up with, you can take the game to its conclusion by finally stating something like “I’ll tell you what, I’m going to [insert your preferred plan here], if you want to join me, I know you’ll have a great time - well, obviously because you’ll be with me (said in a half-serious tone so as not to come across as too arrogant).  If you don’t want to join me, that’s cool, just give me a call sometime when you’re not being a pain in the ass - if there is such a time - and maybe we can try to hookup again.”  If she ws just testing you, most likely she’s going to go along with your plan at this point.  If she really is simply a pain in the ass, good riddance - go find someone easier to get along with. 

When you’re meeting women on adult dating sites, you will typically have a lot fewer tests than you get from women in more conventional dating situations.  The main tests deal with planning of dates and then occasionally you’ll run across the women who want to play hot and cold to tease you and see how you’ll react.  Again, you need to be in control of yourself and not play her game.  For example, let’s say she’s all over you one minute, but the moment you try to move things along, she goes cold and backs off.  The first time she does this, it’s time for you to play it really cool.  When she goes hot again and tries to get you heated up, it’s your turn to give her the cold shoulder - hold her back and say something like “Slow down, baby, I’m not just some piece of meat!”  (said in an exaggerated tone of voice to hint that you’re playing).  Most of the time, women who play the hot/cold game will try even harder at this point to get you turned on.  Continue to play it cool - make her do the work.  The more you hold back, the less she will.  Eventually, she’ll get so turned on that she’ll forget the game and you’ll wind up naked and protesting to her that you really shouldn’t fuck her and reward her lack of respect for you as a human being, but what the hell!

Dating should be fun, not a power struggle.  If your date is trying to make things a power struggle, have some fun with it.  If things aren’t working between you and your prospective date, move on to someone more fun.  It doesn’t matter how hot she may look and how much you want to bang her - there are always plenty of other hot women you’ll want to hookup with who will be a lot more fun.  NEXT!

For more about how to deal with women in dating situations, check out the “Success With Women” page of my website.

Last time I talked about the concept of the network of sex buddies to allow for “repeat business” so you can get laid on a regular basis without having to constantly be meeting new women. I also mentioned that to avoid the situation where a sex buddy begins to view you as a boyfriend and pushes for a commitment (or thinks you are viewing her as a girlfriend and bails if she’s not wanting any commitment), you need to limit your contact with any given woman to once or twice per week. And that was contact in any form - phone, text message, email, or in person.

Now some of you may be wondering how you can do that if you have to work out plans for getting together with a woman - there may need to be more than one or two contacts to work out date details. That’s OK once in a while, but ideally, you want to have your hookups be as simple as possible. If you’re dealing with someone who changes the plan on a frequent basis and is calling, texting, or emailing you all the time supposedly to change plans, even if it’s legitimate, the frequent contact puts you in the situation where she thinks it’s becoming an LTR. If you aren’t into that, you need to be clear with her that you don’t have time to constantly be changing plans with her and if she wants to hookup, that’s great, but you can’t deal with all the rescheduling and getting called/texted/emailed all the time. If she doesn’t cool it, it’s time to stop seeing her.

One of the simplest ways to organize your dating is to simply set up standing dates (for specified days and times) with your sex buddies. I did this inadvertently and it worked out really well. I had a “Miss Tuesday” who met me at my place at 7:00 (on Tuesday evenings of course), a “Miss Wednesday” who I would hookup with at her place at 8:00, etc., etc.. This provided me with a pre-set schedule which minimized the need for phone calls, texts, emails, etc..

In addition, with having a pre-set date schedule, it gave me a relatively busy social calendar which benefitted me in terms of what is sometimes called the “shortage principle”. Basically, the shortage principle states that whatever is in short supply (or appears to be in short supply) is more desirable. By having a relatively full schedule all the time, whenever I’d meet a new woman that I wanted to hookup with, I literally had to squeeze her in to a full schedule.

With this situation of me being in short supply, the new women I’d meet seemed to be all the more interested in me. As a big plus, once I had this going for me, I very rarely got the short-notice cancellation from a date (unlike times when my schedule was more open). I found that women would schedule around me because I was busy and more difficult to schedule to hookup with than other men or other activities. So having a pre-set schedule was definitely a winning way to have a full sex life.

Until next time…