Guide To Sex Dating Sites

Adult dating websites can be a lot of fun and they can provide excellent opportunities for enhancing your sex life, but you do need to use a little caution when meeting people on these sites. There are several pitfalls you need to think about and take the appropriate steps to avoid.

While meeting women on any kind of dating site is basically a numbers game, this is especially true with adult dating sites.  Actually it’s more than one numbers game.  The first numbers game is simply that the more women you contact, the greater your chance of actually meeting someone to hook up with.  Of course, the better you are at writing your profile ad, your message headlines, and your messages, the better you’ll be at that first numbers game.  The second numbers game is the more times you contact a given prospect, the more likely you’ll be able to hook up with her. 

Let’s talk about that second numbers game.  Remember, on the legitimate adult dating sites (let’s not even think about the scam sites), some women are receiving hundreds of messages per week.  Even if you are a master of writing attention-getting message subject lines  and response-generating messages, there’s still a good chance that your message will get lost in the huge volume of messages a given woman is receiving.  So if she’s someone you’re interested in, don’t be afraid to contact her on a regular basis to try to get noticed.

Now, what would be considered contacting someone on a regular basis?  Contacting someone on a daily basis, while it meets the definition of “regular”, would probably be considered stalking, which will not only not tend to generate a favorable response, but will probably wind up getting your messages blocked.  I recommend a frequency of about once every 2 to 4 weeks. 

But what if she looks really hot and you’re really anxious to meet her?  That would be your first mistake.  You really need to develop the attitude that there are plenty of good looking women to hook up with and no matter how good she may look, she’s NOT the perfect woman.  The best thing you can do to give yourself an active sex life is to NOT be too anxious to meet ANY woman.  Be a bit stand-offish.  Make contact, but don’t drool all over your keyboard as you type your message. 

You want to be persistent and continue to express interest as long as she still has a profile up and is active on the site.  Now, what do I mean by “active”?  Most sex dating sites will give you an indicator as to when the last time someone logged on to her account was.  If she hasn’t been there in over a month, definitely don’t waste your time sending her a message.  You are far better off spending your time messaging active members rather than hoping one particular woman will happen to log in again after being away for a month and happen to see your message and answer it.  If she’s hot and she does come back after being gone for a month, she’ll probably have several hundred messages in her mailbox, and most likely she’ll just delete them all and start over.  Even after just a couple of weeks, the huge volume of accumulated messages that a particularly good looking woman will undoubtedly have is more likely to be totally deleted than read, so I recommend sticking to sending messages to women who are checking in at least every week or so.  Remember, you aren’t sending these prospects messages every week - you follow-up every 2 to 4 weeks.  By sending messages every 2 to 4 weeks, you’ll be seen as someone who is interested, but not an obsessed stalker. 

You may be wondering what to send as a follow-up message.  You could simply send the same (or nearly the same) thing you did on the first contact.  There’s a good chance she didn’t get to read it the first time around.  You may want to change it up somewhat.  The main thing is to try to come up with an interesting subject line and a brief, but interesting message.  Besides that, don’t sweat it.  If you’re contacting multiple women multiple times and you don’t come across as a stalker or some clingy wussy-boy, you will meet women and you will get laid - it’s simply a matter of time.

When it comes to dating websites in general, and adult dating sites in particular, a lot of guys place a lot of their focus on the picture(s) that accompany a woman’s personal ad.  Yes, men tend to be visually stimulated, and so it’s normal to be interested in the pictures.  Unfortunately, particularly with adult dating sites, an attention-getting picture is usually NOT a good indicator of a good dating prospect.

If you are looking at a picture of a really hot woman and it looks like the pics were taken by a professional photographer, it may be very impressive and you may be really anxious to try to meet her, but chances are that profile is a COMPLETE waste of time!  You see, professional-looking pictures of women who look like they could be models or pornstars are usually used on fake online personal ads being used to market porn site memberships.  Chances are, if a woman looks like a model or pornstar in her personal ad picture, it’s because she IS a model or a pornstar!  Most of the time, that woman you are so hot for doesn’t exist.  Well, she exists (she’s a model or a pornstar!), otherwise ther would be no picture of her, but the personal ad is for someone who does not exist. 

Even if by some miracle it just so happens that this gorgeous woman with the professional pictures IS for real (and at least 99 times out of 100 she isn’t!), your chances of actually meeting her are so small that you’re probably wasting your time anyway.  Think about it.  The official number of men seeking women on adult dating sites is usually about 10 times the number of women seeking men.  Given the large number of fake profiles for women seeking men on these sites, the real number is more like 50 men seeking women to every woman seeking men.  Now, that’s just general stats.  Can you imagine how many men answer ads for women who look like models / pornstars who have nice, professional pictures on their profiles?  Those profiles generate  hundreds of messages per DAY if the ad is for a woman in a large population center.  Have you ever tried to go through that many e-mails?  The only people who will even try to read that many e-mails in a day are doing it for MONEY, or else they have absolutely no life (and how many women who look like models and pornstars have that much time on their hands?).  Even if you are an expert at writing your messages, your chances of her ever even seeing your message is small, you chance of her reading your message is smaller, your chance of her responding to your message is smaller yet, and your chance of hooking up with her is microscopic!

Rather than wasting a lot of time on the profiles with the really nice pictures, I recommend dedicating your efforts to meeting women with ordinary pictures.  It’s fine if you’re picky about looks, but go after the hot women whose pictures were obviously taken with mediocre digital cameras and camera phones.  If your primary goal is to get laid, I recommend you not worry about the pictures at all. You may be wondering how you’ll find a woman you’re really interested in without worrying about the pictures.  Well, you probably won’t know for sure that you’re really interested in a given woman even if she has pictures. 

What you have to realize is that pictures can be very misleading.  Some of the pictures you’ll see will not be representative of what the woman looks like NOW.  The pictures may have been taken 2 kids, 10 years, and 40 pounds ago.  In addition, it’s amazing what camera angle, cropping, and photoshopping can do to change the look of even very recent pictures. On adult dating sites, a lot of the pictures are close-ups of body parts.  You can’t tell much about a woman’s overall looks if the only picture you see is a closeup of her breasts or her pubes. 

Finally,  lot of guys assume that profiles without pictures are a sign that the woman is ugly.  That is not necessarily the case.  In fact, I have met some very attractive women who did not have pictures on their online personal ads.  Some of them told me that they intentionally left off the pictures because when they had done online personal ads in the past and incuded pictures, they had so many messages flood their mailboxes that they couldn’t keep up with them all.  Using a profile without a picture kept the volume of messages down to a more manageable level.  Now, I’m not saying that a lack of a picture is a sure sign of a gorgeous woman, but the lack of a picture does not mean that the woman is ugly either.  Don’t neglect the ads without pictures - they can be some very good prospects. 

The bottom line is, although a picture may be worth a thousand words, in the realm of online dating, particularly adult online dating, a picture isn’t really worth much at all.

Depending on you and your companion-for-the-moment’s interests, you may want to explore something more than just the “plain vanilla” sex practices from time to time.  If you are new to trying anything fancier than some position other than missionary, I suggest starting with some light bondage as a fun way to spice things up.

Now for some people the word “bondage” brings vision of chains and shackles, or at the very least, rough-hewn ropes cutting into the skin, but lighter forms of bondage can be quite comfortable and don’t require a building permit to construct a dungeon in your home.

 The first thing to consider with bondage, particularly if you aren’t looking to go heavy into the dungeon theme, is what you will be using to do the bondage with.  I recommend choosing bindings that can be released by the bond-ee in case of an emergency.  After all, most accidents occur in the home, and you never know what could happen to the bond-er after the bond-ee is bond-ed, and situations could arise where the bond-ee needs to get out of the bindings quickly on his or her own.  With this in mind, I recommend a couple of options.  First, handcuffs designed for sex play usually come with a release lever so the cuffs can be undone without the key and usually with a minimal amount of effort by the person in the cuffs.  Another good option is restraints with velcro closures, as these can usually be opened by the bond-ee by pulling the tabs with their teeth (make sure to set the bindings just long enough for this to be possible).  Finally, almost any type of binding can be used if it can be pulled loose or untied by the bond-ee (again, keeping the binding in range of the mouth so things can be untied or pulled loose using the teeth is a good plan). 

Once you figure out what you will use for your bondage play, the next thing to figure out is where to do it.  The most comfortable location is usually on a bed, and the bed legs and/or headboard make convenient anchor points for the bindings.  Another possible location is having the bond-ee tied up on the floor, with furniture as the anchor points for the bindings.  If you want to get extra-adventurous, bondage outside using a tree or stable structure can be very exciting, but be sure to choose a location where you cannot be seen (particularly by children)  and where you will not run into trouble with law enforcement personnel.  It’s also a good idea to check and make sure the area is clear of ants and stinging insects, poison ivy, etc., otherwise things could get VERY unpleasant!

Now that you’ve figured out what type of bindings you’re going to use and where to use them, you need to figure out who is going to be the bond-ee and who is going to be the bond-er.  Both roles can be fun, and so you might want to take turns, if not on the same date, on different occasions. 

If your date is the one being bound, make sure she’s comfortable (or not, if that adds to her excitement), and that she can get free from the bindings on her own if she needs to.  Once you have everything set up, she’s at your mercy, and it is a lot of fun building her anticipation of what you are going to do.  You can do all sorts of things depending on your (and her) particular interests.  Blindfolding her is often a good start, as this intensifies the anticipation.  You could stimulate her any number of ways, using sex toys, a feather, oral sex, etc..  Your could run an ice cube across sensitive areas of her body.  You could take pictures (I recommend you have permission to do this in advance).  You could build anticipation by telling her all the nasty things you’re going to do.  It’s all up to you.  Well, you and her - remember, even though she’s “at your mercy” you need to be a bit careful in these situations particularly if you don’t know her all that well.  Be sure you know the difference between the “No” that means “YES!” and the “No” that means “NO!”. 

Also remember that if you agree to switch roles from time to time, anything you do to her when she’s tied up may be visited upon you when the roles are reversed.  When you’re the one tied up, just relax and enjoy the anticipation of not knowing exactly what is going to happen.  Again, be sure that you can get out of the restraints on your own if you need to.  This is especially true if you’ve just met your date, because there are some freaky women out there.  A friend of a friend (yes, it’s one of those stories that may or may not be true) found himself naked and handcuffed to a radiator - with REAL handcuffs, and his date intentionally left him there by himself until the next day.  So, once again the cardinal rule of bondage when you are the bond-ee is to make absolutely sure you can free yourself if you need to.

Be imaginative and have fun with your bondage experiences.  A little kink will do you good!

You’ve overcome the massive competition on an adult dating site and actually got your message read and she replied to it. You transitioned to the phone call and now you’re going to meet her in person. So, what next? Well, even though you’ve met this person on a sex dating site and you and she both know this is simply about casual sex, most women are going to want to meet you in public before they consider going anywhere private with you. This is may be for no other reason than she wants to give herself the illusion that she’s being “safe”.

Now, some guys think that if she’s meeting you in person, sex is a done deal. It’s definitely not. Even though you’ve met this person on an adult dating site and she is no doubt interested in having sex, it doesn’t mean she is going to have sex with you no matter what. You can still easily blow the deal and you’ll both go home disappointed.

If you are too focused on closing the deal and you rush things, you will come across as desperate - which is usually a major turn-off for a woman. Most women are sexually attracted to men who are confident, funny, assertive, and who have SELF-CONTROL. Believe it or not, most women place a much higher priority on your behavior and personality than on your looks or money - particularly if they are there for a casual sex hookup and not looking for a relationship. If you’re too much in a rush and come across as a drooling moron, she’ll be turned off so fast it will be like someone flipped off a light switch. You need to relax, play it cool and let things develop. If she’s in a hurry to get the party started, great! Go at her pace, but don’t you be the one to rush things.

My recommendation is to go into any and every date with the mindset of you are there to simply have a good time - NOT that you are there to immediately have sex. If you’re meeting at a public place like a restaurant, club, or whatever, simply plan to have a good time at that location, have something to eat, enjoy a drink or two, or do whatever there is to do. You go meet the woman stick to fun, light topics of conversation and joke around and tease her. Have fun and take things as they come! You are there to have a great time whether or not the date leads to sex. And if you do go with the flow and play it cool, there’s a very good chance the date WILL lead to sex.

If you play your cards right, not only will it lead to sex, but most likely she will be the one who initiates things getting physical. Before you know it, she’s asking if you want to go somewhere more private, or she may even climb all over you right there in public - try to keep things enough under control that you don’t get arrested! Remember to remain confident (or at least pretend to be), and definitely remember to tease her, most of the time she will get so turned on she won’t wait for you to make the first move.

One quick word on how to tease your date.  There are a lot of things you can do, but since you met her on an adult dating site, an easy way to tease her is to keep making references to how she must be a horny freak to place an ad on a sex dating site.  Most women will come back with a remark about how you did the same thing, to which you reply something along the lines of, “But I’m a man.  I’m SUPPOSED to be a horn-dog!  You’re not acting very lady-like!”  You can follow-up with comments like “Now don’t assume I’m easy and I’m just going to jump in the sack with you because you met me on a sex dating site!  Do try to control yourself!”  Always make such comments with an obviously exaggerated tone of voice so she’ll know you’re teasing.  The bottom line is to try to relax, and just have fun with her.

The less you try to take things to a “physical level” with your dates, and just had fun with them, the more likely they are to gradually get really turned on and to initiate getting physical with you.  It’s a lot of fun to sit back, have a good time, and (once you’ve done this a few times and have had some great experiences) to KNOW that you’ll wind up getting laid without even trying.  Once you reach that point, dating becomes so much fun, it’s almost addictive.  Have fun!